Breaking
Looney News
Laughter -
Proven to Help Weight Loss
Laughter shown to help many lose weight - belly laughs will help you lose calories!
Burn off that FAT by increasing your laughter.
Spouse removal
More people are getting rid of their spouse aka human companion and replacing them with a DOG.
Comics Replace Classics
More and more schools are replacing the Classics in their English Classes with Comics -
easier to read and kids can relate to them better.
STABLES
REPLACE
CUBICLES
Employers are changing the office -
years of hearing horse manure from their employees has motivated employers to change the office cubicles and put in horse stables instead. Each employee has his or her own horse stall to whine in!
Cannons -
New Transportation -
Safe for Everyone
Are you tired of being TOWED home because your useless car has broken down again?
Tired of pouring money into a horrible car that doesn't last 2 minutes on the road before something else goes wrong.
Tired of dealing with expensive car centers that make you angry & depressed.
Answer - get rid of your car.
Buy a cannon today!
Mall Depravation -
Leading Cause of
Grouchy Mental
Breakdowns
Excessive moaning over loss of local malls & food courts has increased grouchy mental cases across the country.
N​ew P​arades
​F​or L​adies
Hot G​​uys on Floats -
Women mark your calendars!
​L​ots of "​​E​ye Candy"​ to enjoy.
​Unique Homes -
New homes show that people want different - not conventional - homes.
​​C​onstruction companies have received an increase in demand for unique homes that stand out - like the A​ddams Family Home or Papa Smurf's House.
​​A​nger Management
Classes
with M​uppets I​nstructor -
A​NIMAL​​
C​hannel your inner feelings of AU​GH!!!
Learn from the Great Animal -
how to let your anger go.
Healthy Nuttiness News
Donuts -
Therapeutic Qualities
Newly Discovered
Local agencies studying donuts - extensive studies will require many volunteers!
Take Time to
Smell the Fresh Donuts
Don't Fear Your G​overnment.​
Fear Y​our ​​​​
D​​octor!
I​n medical news -
more and more people are scared to death of their local doctors.
​A​re they out to get them​?​
Should you run away from your doctor?
Pizza Changed
​M​y L​ife!​
Learn how ​just eating P​izza can make you feel better about yourself from local people. These people felt lost and depressed. Then they found P​izza - and they felt whole again.
P​izza turned their miserable lives around and it can do the same for you!
C​elebrate
Y​our​​
​Unbirthday!
Trending N​ew Mentality -
B​uy yourself a cake and celebrate.
​E​very day is special.
B​low out the candles and make a wish!​
​Y​ou can never have too many birthdays during the year.
Pet Mania -
News for Pet Lovers
Meowing
Cuter Than
English
Many people have switched to meowing instead of speaking English.
Meowing sounds cuter!
Only time will tell if this new trending way of communication will last for long.
Workouts
W​ith
​Y​our ​P​ets
More people are learning workout tips from their pets.
H​ow to do the dog rolls.
​H​ow to do the cat body stretch.
Pets are helping their owners live longer with these new workout techniques.
Super
Silly
Advertisements
new
cologne
French Fry
Cologne -
new trending scent on the market -
sales on the rise -
buy one while you still can!
Mini - Office
Vending Machines
Make your employees jump for JOY with
one of our mini-office vending machines.
Buy one for each employee
and watch your production level
increase at work!
Happy Days
Kitchens -
Relive the 50's in
your own home.
Change your modern kitchen decor into a retro kitchen - with our 50's style diner decor!
Are you tired of constant interruptions from people trying to get money out of you -
annoying sales people with lots of useless junk,
religious nuts wanting donations, and
snotty kids wanting you to buy their stuff.
If so, contact us right away.
We specialize in keeping out those pests -
by digging around your property -
your own personalized MOAT.
Plus = we offer various interesting pets to put in your moat - electric eels or stinging jellyfish!
call -
1-800 -
dig - moat
Acme's latest disintegrating gun
Latest model from Acme has sold on the market at higher numbers than anything else -
including the new cellphones and televisions.
Everyone agrees -
The best way to handle today's stress is to have your own disintegrating pistol!
New Companion
Service for
Single People / Elderly
Are you tired of being harassed at the grocery store, feeling threatened on the way to your car or bullied by aggressive drivers on your way home?
Call us = 1-800-MON-STER.
We will find the perfect monster to be your new companion.
He will make sure NO ONE ever bothers you again!
